Same As It Ever Was: Chronic Pain

You may ask yourself…well, how did I get here?
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And you may ask yourself…how do I work this?

As a rheumatology patient, you know when you arrived.  If you’re lucky, you know where you are diagnostically.  With so many cross-over symptoms and comorbidities, the specific diagnosis is often less important than:  How do I work this??
 
Since the overnight onset of Rheumatoid Arthritis, figuring out how to work the problem has been foremost.  I approach any challenge in life with a calm bit of strength — though admittedly after a freak-out of variable duration.  My logical mind thought through how this changes my day to day life, my future plans, and how it affects my family and those who depend on me.  I needed to mentally set an approach for the long-term.  
What I am finding more difficult is how to cope in the short-term. The week, the 24 hours, the minutes of impatience with myself, with disease, and impatience then directed toward the world. Each moment in the rheum is one of “same as it ever was.”  Pain levels increase, or ease, stiffness varies, the clumsy hands and bumbling feet and ankles can be counted upon.  On days that I feel fairly zippy, fatigue or weakness can appear suddenly like a deep pothole on this rheum highway.
Into the silent water
Another day begins — at sunrise, or at the pain witching hour, and I again ask myself:  how did I get here?  In the worst moments I’ve learned to put myself into the silent water.  Float just above the surface in a warm bit of ocean.  Warm water laps and repeatedly curls softly against my cheek, providing a counterpoint to the insistence of pain.  Pain may not recede with the tide, but I’m in a better place and I feel the warm sand.
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
Save as it ever was…Same as it ever was…
 
This is each day as a rheumatology patient.  We have to remember this is our life.  What we cannot change, we have to work around, over and through.  Yield for rest when we must, but don’t forget to  follow that squiggly road sign.  Explore new ideas and new places literally or figuratively.  Instead of letting autoimmune disease dictate my every action, I’d rather ask:
 
Where does that highway lead to?
 
 
Once In A Lifetime” from the album Remain in Light, written by David Byrne,
Brian Eno,Chris Frantz, Jerry Harrison, and Tina Weymouth.

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